Looking at this blog, preparing to write this post, has felt like staring into a blank canvas where you know what you want to make, but you don’t know if you’re ready or if you have the skills to do it.
You might not understand how to paint a tree from its shadows to its highlights, but you know you want a tree somewhere, and you know what you want it to mean.
I think I’m finally ready. I’m ready to start sketching on the blank canvas and gradually build up the result I’m hoping for. Moving out of metaphor, I’m ready to work towards something new.
I can’t really tell you why I started Vicky Who Reads. It was done on such a whim during the summer before my junior year, when I was tiring of the Wattpad community and peeking at a new community. I know what elements contributed to me knowing about it–my friend, Aitana, raving about young adult books and Wattpad authors traditionally publishing. But why I decided to do it? I’m not really sure.
I’ve certainly loved keeping Vicky Who Reads up for over two years, and it’s been such a lifeline where I’ve been able to make so many genuine connections with wonderful people. It’s been an ever-present friend when I’m feeling lonely or trapped, and has been there through one of the most formative times of my life. I’ve become a better, more empathetic and caring person because of it, and I could not be more grateful for that.
And I can tell you why I’m shutting the door on Vicky Who Reads–or alternatively, I can tell you why I’m starting Vicky Again.
Beginning college has been one of the best experiences of my life. I feel so much more fulfilled, in multiple ways, I’m eager to learn, and I have so much freedom. And with it, my lifestyle has taken a complete overturn.
With so much to do and only so much time available, everything I choose to do suddenly has a new weight to it. Whether it’s deciding to go out one night or stay in and get a head start on homework, or whether I should spend a little free time to read (alone) or go play video games (with friends).
There’s now always an intention behind my actions–nothing I do is without considering other options, because I’ve got a world of options right there on my doorstep.
For so long, my home life made it so book blogging was the only option. Which meant I had so much time to explore this, to take chances on books I might not like, to start a silly blog series or write fluffy posts. I didn’t need intention, because the aim was to explore the only option I had.
But now, when there’s intention with all my actions, book blogging–and blogging in general–has become so much different for me.
I can’t spend six hours writing a post about fifty books I’m excited for, anymore. Both because I can’t write two paragraphs of excitement unless I spend half an hour on it, and because validating excitement through words isn’t as exciting as so many other things I can do.
Which brings us here & now.
In short, I can’t write like I did for Vicky Who Reads. I could feel the intention slipping away from me with that blog as I immersed myself in college.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t write. I just write differently.
And with Vicky Again, I want every word I put down to have intention. I won’t be posting five times a week. I can’t even promise posting weekly. I make no promises, and I am bound by no one but myself.
I want to edit and reread and put my best foot forward. It won’t always be books. It’ll be things important to me that I hope someone else out there will be able to relate to.
And I hope this will be enough. This is a new beginning, intended for me.